Yesterday in the early hours I had a dream which was short but which, for once, I easily understood. Usually dream symbols need to be danced with to find out their inner meaning but on this occasion the dream was clear.
I was with a friend who told me that Lemar had shut down. Lemar, by the way, is a chain of supermarkets in North Cyprus – we don’t have huge supermarkets or shopping malls but over the years Lemar has expanded to quite a few outlets, along with smaller supermarkets like Starling and Ileli. In the dream my friend told me another big shop had closed down too. I wasn’t worried, just felt quite happy and said: “Well, it’s back to basics, to how things were, to a simple life”.
Now I doubt very much that Lemar will close down unless it goes bonkers and over-extends itself. For me, the dream reflected and confirmed where I am at present. I’ve lost the urge to “shop until you drop” although I was never a great aficionado, except for clothes. I don’t like soulless shopping malls any more, I enjoy the freedom from big names here in North Cyprus and I rather like rummaging around in the one and only department outlet here, Oender, which has two outlets, one in Nicosia and one in Famagusta. It’s a bit like entering an old-style department store where you dive in, have a rummage and also get help from the many assistants – imagine a shop where you don’t have self-serve but friendly people with a great sense of humour!
I have given away all the New Year resolutions, all the planning schedules, all the exhortations to make lists, aims, goals and whatever. I’ve got fed up with all the various exhortations on Facebook to be the best, to be awesome, to aim for the heights, because I find them exhausting and because you can feel dissatisfied if you take all this “improve yourself” on board. I think all this creates dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life and I refuse to take on the draining burden of dissatisfaction with myself any more.
I realised on New Year’s Day, appropriately enough, I suppose, that I am very happy here in North Cyprus. I love living here, it feels very comfortable, as if I’ve come home to Mother Earth. It’s as if everything I’ve experienced in life has led me to this spot – where I have reconnected with nature, where I have great joy in working with nature to create digital and surreal art, where photography has become a part of my inner joy and creativity. It’s all fallen into place like a kaleidoscope which has stopped running in bits and pieces and suddenly has a whole picture as a focus.
I’m happy. I feel complete in myself. I don’t want to take any more courses or whatever, because I don’t feel the need. I’ve stopped searching. I ceased being critical of myself. And as if to validate this, the Tarot card I drew this morning (I draw one each day to give some perspective and depth to the unfolding hours) was “Awakening”. In most decks, it’s Judgement and it can often lead you into a side-alley of implying you need to judge yourself.
But in Rachel Pollack’s deck, she uses the true meaning of Major Arcana card 20, which is Awakening – being true to yourself and understanding your soul purpose in life. Pollack says: “Transformation. A moment, possibly an event, that brings to life a change that has built up over a long period of time. Joining with others. Responsibility”. She also says: When we Awaken we understand our connections to the earth, to the people around us, to our society and to the web of life breathing and sleeping and waking all across our world.”
I feel like I’ve awoken to my soul purpose (without, I hope, sounding too god-bothering and up-myself) and it’s been dancing around me all my life. I loved nature as a kid and I’d forgotten. Now I’ve remembered. I love art and photography. But I never realised how they were leading me back to nature, my connection with the spirit world of nature, and my ability to bring nature energies to the world through digital and surreal art.
So this piece of artwork I’ve created is called “Dreams” and it’s the only one where I’ve worked solely with all the gizmos on PicMonkey, my favourite on-line photo editing tool. Only, as well as editing phtos, you can use their blank canvas gizmo to play around with all their tools which is what I did yesterday, one of the few times I’ve created digital art with using one of my own images as a foundation for the artwork.