Many years ago I was trying to sort out my relationship with my father. I was angry and resentful over the bullying and control I’d experienced as a child plus more manipulation by him when I was an adult. I was also trying to cope with his descent into alcoholism and feeling the bitterness of losing my father to the booze and the chaos which ensued. Although it’s a moot point whether I really had my father in my life anyway.
I created this painting in an effort to release some of the turmoil I was experiencing. I made the fatal mistake, however, of showing it to an artist who lived in the small country town as me, who made a disparaging comment: “Oh, yes, we’ve all done stuff like that at some time in our lives.” As I was a beginner in the art stakes, I felt discouraged and put the painting aside.
I did give it away in the end, when I was moving back to the UK, but luckily I kept a photo which I fished out recently. And today I re-visited this painting and re-worked it digitally to take the final steps in forgiveness and letting the past go to the past where it belongs. These are the images which I produced through Photoshop (I’ve just come across a neat little tool called “Liquify” which is enormous fun and takes art into quite new dimensions – back to my second childhood!).
Interestingly, I’ve found that this process has occurred as I’ve been working with homeopathic medicine to effect a healing process which also involves release of old issues.
After creating this digital art, I’ve felt lighter and know that I’ve finally reached a position of forgiveness where I can leave the past where it belongs – in the past. A really great feeling and a shedding of a load on my shoulders, my heart and my soul.