In mid-September we returned to the UK for a holiday, to catch up with family and friends, and we came back to North Cyprus in early October. Since then we’ve been recovering from colds and bronchitis, and we also had friends visiting for a week. Just after they returned to the UK, I had a bad fall which left me with a severely bruised leg, some rather large lumps, a bad back,quite a few bad aches and pains, and the knowledge that a marble floor wins hands-down in any close encounter of the pratfall kind.
However, having to sit still and rest has allowed me time and space to reflect on my life and where I’m heading. I felt – for some reason I haven’t yet been able to fathom out – that the visit to the UK was like shutting the door on a big part of my life, turning they key and returning to North Cyprus to re-assess where I’m heading and how I feel drawn to move forward in my life. This feeling of turning to a whole new part of my life has been reinforced by the Tarot card I’ve repeatedly pulled from Rachel Pollack’s Shining Tribe deck – the 10 of Rivers.
This is a card about emotions and generally it’s about appreciating life’s gifts,one’s home life, love and commitment. BUT is an also signify releasing the past, with joy and appreciation for the gifts that past has given us, and turning towards the future and new adventures.
And the latter interpretation is how I’ve been viewing this card. I’ve felt very strongly, as I’ve been enjoying my enforced rest and recreation, that somehow I need to consider how I move into the future. I’ve brought me from Australia but what is the me in North Cyprus going to do now a new chapter in my life is opening up?
Coupled with all this reflection is the fact that I have decided to sort out my relationship with money which can be boiled down to simple facts – money comes in, I spend it. I’m a compulsive spender, mainly on clothes and jewellery. And while I decided to start working on an issue which really does bedevil me, lo and behold, the reverse gear on our Land Rover Freelander has failed. This could be a very, very expensive repair if the whole automatic transmission needs replacing. And at first I panicked. As one does in this sort of situation! But then I started looking at the wider picture – that not only has this challenge about finances turned up just as I have decided to address my relationship with money. We have also been dithering about keeping the Land Rover or buying a smaller car, so a few days ago I asked for a sign as to whether to sell or keep. Of course, I didn’t ask to be banged in the head by a four-by-two as the answer but that’s precisely what I got!
At present, I don’t know where I’m heading. But I’m having a good old de-clutter, in my office and in my wardrobe, being utterly ruthless (well, would you believe, fairly ruthless?!) about what I’m keeping and what I’m letting go. I’m also considering my relationship with crystals and whether my time working with them is over, but I haven’t quite decided that yet.
All I know is I feel strongly that new directions are calling me and, in preparation for a new course, I’m having a complete reorganisation of my study, wardrobe and rest of our apartment. The rest of the apartment I’m doing in bits and pieces as my husband gets nervous when I suddenly start re-organising our living space, but I’m also taking it slowly because I’m tuning in to what inspiration and inner messages I’m getting as I proceed with all due slowness, rather than haste which is my usual method of attacking change.
As I said, I have no idea where I’m heading, but I’m quite enjoying the mystery and challenge of it all.