I have had a very peculiar a week. At the beginning I had the leftovers of a fibromyalgia flare-up, but since the symptoms of that died down, I’ve been feeling aimless, lethargic and unmotivated.
I decided to go with the flow, although that’s a killer for me as I always like to have some plan of action in mind. So instead of trying to push myself to make every day count and to make sure I didn’t waste a minute (as you are exhorted to do in all those self-help books and motivational phrases that litter Facebook), I decided would take it easy, loll around and indulge myself in something decidedly unspiritual – reading adventure/suspense/romance books by a variety of authors.
I’d like to say I went mindless but I didn’t. Instead I became aware of a great movement of women out there, unsung, unheralded and often ridiculed, who are producing entertaining, funny and moving e-books. You’re not really supposed to say you like light reading. You’re supposed to read deep books, which examine the existence of being or the building blocks of the universe, yada, yada,yada.
But my truth is that I enjoy light reading, always have done. I find the harsh realities and cruelty of life on earth rather difficult to handle. I’m very sensitive to the Plutonic underworld of earthly doings, due to Neptune being close to my Ascendant, Libra, and Sun, Libra. It means reality is very hard to take, so moving into imaginary worlds where I can leave the world behind, is my way of surviving life on earth.
So I’ve had a pleasant week doing stuff all except downloading romantic thrillers onto my Kindle and I’ve become deeply admiring of the authors who produce so many books which are entertaining and creative. People disparage Kindles but I reckon they’ve never lived in isolated areas, or outside of the UK, US or other European countries, where reliable service is non-existent or postage costs for books are exorbitant.
At the same time as all this mindlessness, I’ve had a pain in my right eye and it’s been weeping continously all week. It’s driven me nuts, absolutely nuts, sitting there going through heaps of tissues as the tears stream out of my right eye on a never-ending basis.
And then today I read something about the power of thought to create the world and I thought: “Holey-moley, thoughts, shmoughts.” I am absolutely fed up with the fixation on thoughts as the source of putting right what is wrong in the world. Why? Because the source of all power lies in our hearts, and it’s LOVE. Yes, we need the qualities of logic and analysis because they’re an integral part of human make-up. But we need to get things in the right order – our HEART should feed our HEADS. We fixate on thoughts because we live in a logical, analytical world where the thought process is worshipped, adored and idolised. But when we tap into our hearts and release the power of LOVE, we can move mountains.
Of course, when we mention love, so many people in today’s egocentric, me-first society think we’re being sentimental, a soft touch, bleeding heart liberal, and all the other crap that people dish up, because when they’re force to deal with LOVE, it’s a challenge!
I remember reading somewhere that, to scientists’ astonishment when they monitored the heart and head responses to various scenarios, the HEART responded seconds before the head. It’s our HEART that is the source of love, that is the engine of our well-being, that compels us towards caring, unselfishness and the courage to stand up for what we find ethical and fundamental to our integrity.
And, of course, I then realised that all this time-out and what looks like procrastination has been for my heart to pulverise my head into submission so that I can sort out the focus of the book I’ve been writing. I’ve been lurching along with this book, feeling that I haven’t quite got the handle on it, but now I have. I owe my heart a big hug and thanks for yelling at me and showing me my truth.
And as I’ve realised this – which really means I’ve unblocked the feeling, sensation, loving part of myself that was blocked because I’ve been up in my head thinking too much – the pain in my right eye has gone, my eye has stopped weeping and I feel focused and clearer about where my writing is heading.
I guess this is perhaps a paeon of praise, not just for love and the heart, but also for the power of procrastination. Procrastination allows you to take time-out, to tap into your depths, to provide the space for the flow of love and inspiration to get unblocked, and for your truth, whatever it is, to pour out of your heart and soul to show the world your light and to enrich this world with your gifts and talents, whatever they are.