As I mentioned in my blog about the Heart & Soul Expo here in North Cyprus, Bryan had a reading with a Scottish medium who was incredibly accurate, insightful and uplifting. He seemed drawn to her from the moment we entered the exposition and I was interested because all week he had been talking of getting a reading. Normally my husband goes into black gloom when I go to these new age-type fairs, but he’s very psychic and I think he had a presentiment that he would meet a reader who could dish up some inspirational information for him. He certainly looked very happy when we finally started driving home.
Bryan’s reading is private to him but I was so impressed by his reading, that I decided to break my golden rule of not having two readings in a row.
It’s interesting that, in the lead-up to this mind, body, spirit fair I’d started to get quite emotional (and couldn’t work out why), but on the morning I started getting butterflies and felt quite uptight. So at some level I was picking up also that something important was awaiting me at the expo. I mentioned it to Bryan afterwards and he said that if I was so uptight, I should have given the fair a miss. But it’s precisely when you have those sort of uptight feelings about going to something like this or to a workshop that you need to go, because your intuition is letting you know that need to face up to your fears and go, not fudge it by hiding at home, because something of significance is in the air for you.
When the reader started, I almost wished I’d scarpered when I’d started heading for the exit before I changed my mind about the second reading. The Scottish lady just looked at me and said: “You are an extraordinarily sensitive person. You hide it behind a facade of cheeriness and positivity, but you are really one of the most sensitive persons I’ve met.” I felt quite shocked that she’d looked so deep within me, because I’ve seldom let on about the sensitivity. I feel awkward about being open at how painful life is, how I suffer when I read about young children in trouble, or see a stray dog or one that’s has a limp. It tears at my heart and it’s very hard to cope.
But more was to come and this was a real killer. “Your sensitivity must have meant that your childhood was very painful and unhappy, you had a very angry father, and were protective of your mother.” Well, talk about sticking her hand down my throat and ripping out all the old, hidden pain – I just sat there speechless.All the buried childhood pain came screaming to the surface and I realised why I’d been feeling nervous about attending the fair. Deeply buried stuff was being hauled into the light of day!
Because it’s true, I had a very unhappy, lonely childhood. I never fitted in at school and was incredibly lonely. I felt undercurrents in our home which left me feeling uncomfortable and alone. My father was distant, angry, a bully and a control freak. And so I retreated into daydreams,books and nature. My favourite place was my grandparents’ home in central London. I knew my grandparents loved me unconditionally, and I loved their home which was in a tucked-away laneway surrounded by fields and a lovely woodland. Quite amazing for central London. I’d wander for hours among the wildflowers, admiring the flowers, loving the sea of blue-violet when bluebells were in bloom in the woodland, watching the birds, admiring the golden poker flowers, picking blackberries, and just absorbing the calming, nurturing feeling of nature.
And then she went on to advise me how to heal that very sad, very wounded child of so long ago. She told me to get a photo of myself as a child, put it in a frame, and then place a gold star on it to acknowledge my painful childhood and to give myself credit and validation for the fact I survived and did okay. She also suggested I gather some wildflowers for what I now view as my sanctuary, and perhaps light a candle. I knew exactly which wildflowers she meant – they’re blossoming now in North Cyprus all over the place and these are the flowers I used to see in my childhood.
I got a nice photo frame with hearts all over and, as I don’t have any photos of myself as a child, I found an image on the internet of a young girl in a rural setting gazing into water. The gold star was unfortunately impossible to find, but I found a lovely gold ribbon bobble which is just as good. I added a heart and yellow rose for love. And THEN I found a teddy bear with “Love Me” embroidered on it, stuck a big puffy heart in his arms, and felt really nurtured as I never had a teddy bear as a kid. Don’t ask me why, I never lacked for lovely toys and presents, but somehow I never ended up with a teddy bear. So now I’ve got my own teddy bear. I decided against the candle, and have opted instead for a vanilla incense stick as this felt “right”.
My own extra to this sanctuary is something which to me is playful, invokes a sense of fun and really is quite off the planet. Bryan’s quite appalled that I came home with this completely mad, purple hat with gold trim. But it’s fun and it’s playful and, while I still feel somewhat emotional about this whole experience, it’s reminding me to be childish and playful, as I didn’t play too much as a kid.
I’m sharing this because it might give you some ideas for creating your own sanctuary or altar for healing any painful areas in your own life. Obviously what you create relates to your own particular issue and need for healing, so perhaps you might get some inspiration from my own experience.
There was a fair lot of other stuff which was also spot on, and she said she was amazed how Bryan and I complement each other, real yin and yang. She did look a bit startled when I told her we’d moved in together the first night we met, but 35 years later we definitely made the right decision!
She also said that we had a purpose, both of us, in coming to Cyprus. I have no idea what it is, but I do know that we feel really content and happy here. It’s a completely whacko place, but the humanity of the people here is quite enchanting. They will go out of their way to help you and have a lovely sense of humour. Nor are the backward in coming forward to say how much they like my purple hair and laughingly tell Bryan to dye his hair to match. Life is hard here for local people but they retain their good humour, kindliness, friendliness and helpfulness. I know I’ve said it before, but we both feel that, after many wanderings, we have finally come home. And it’s a very lovely, heart-warming feeling.