I woke up this morning feeling rather heavy-headed after a dream in which I can remember approaching various stalls and people doing all sorts of things at the stall but none of them wanted me to help or were interested in me.
It was a sort of depressing dream in one way because it represented the fears I’ve had all my life of not fitting in very well, being on the outside and being rejected. I happen to know now that this is because I have both Pluto and Saturn snuggled up together in the eleventh house, in my natal chart and this represents both a need to work with groups but also an intense fear. So one of this lifetime’s challenges is to let go of this fear and open up to group and community work, wherever I end up when we eventually sell our house.
As with dreams, however, there are many layers. And I realised that this dream also represents for me a need for approval for what I’m doing, something else I’ve struggled with after a childhood of trying to win (unsuccessfully) approval from my father. Whatever I did, it never seemed good enough. My husband confirmed this when I mentioned the dream to him and he said: “That’s telling you to stop looking for approval from everyone else. You’re fine just the way you are”. Nice to get confirmation!
And then, as is my practice every morning, I shuffled my Tarot deck to see what card would emerge, as doing this encourages me to think about my energies during the day. Today I got The Emperor, and it really underscored that the dream left me feeling heavy-headed because it was about my fears, but by acknowledging them they had come to the surface. And the Emperor turned up to remind me that I am powerful in my own right, I don’t need to follow what other people are doing, as I have my own unique energies and strengths to offer. Time to release my fears, folks, and get on with my own life and work – perhaps a message of hope and meaning for others!
Later on in the day, all this morning inner chat session led me to think about my connection with my ancestors. I created a while back what I call an Elder Wand to honour my ancestors and all the friends with whom I’ve had connections in this lifetime (no connection to the killer Elder Wand of Harry Potter, by the way!).
I originally created an Elder Wand when I lived in northern New South Wales. It survived a trip to Victoria when we moved there but got damaged on the way to our present house. I came across the present piece of wood in a rather magical little wood near here, so re-created it in a slightly different form. However, we are intending to move home and there’s no way this wand will fit in.
I also re-considered how I wanted to keep the connection with my ancestors. So I decided it was time to let them go to their own destiny, for me to release the ties and for me to move into my own future as my own person. So I’ve dismantled the wand, tucked away all the treasures in my jewellery box, and created a nice little ritual to reflect the changes I’ve made today, all flowing – I might add – from my dreams and my Tarot card.
Funny where you end up – in quite different places at the end of the day to where you were at the beginning!