I’m really on a roll with interpreting dreams via the Tarot, it does give helpful insights which I might have missed before. And certainly Neptune in Pisces has accelerated my dreaming process no end, don’t know how it’s been for anyone else.
This latest dream I had went as follows:
I’m being followed by a shadowy someone and a man with a Volkswagen convertible offers to help me escape. I climb into his car, bit of a squeeze as it’s very small, and we hare off trying to outrun the followers. But wherever we go there is a policeman or secret service agent blocking our way. Next thing the driver has morphed into a woman and I get her to push down all the locks on the car, back and front, as I’ve done to ensure no-one can get in. Then we drive off again looking for way to escape.
I don’t really think I would have got a handle on this dream if I hadn’t read a while back that pursuers in your dream can be your shadow side. Now the thing that I’ve been wrestling with recently is an incident that happened years ago when a woman was incredibly rude, in a group of us out for dinner, about my weight. She never let up sniping at and belittling me all night. When I left the group, I cried from the depths of my heart all the way home. I felt utterly humiliated and also very angry with myself for not replying in like kind to this wretched woman.
And the reason I’ve been wrestling with this incident is that all the emotional upset I felt about it has been surging up to the surface – not surprising since Chiron, which is about healing deep emotional wounds, is also in Pisces. My habit has always been to swallow stuff that has upset me and to bury it very deeply and not talk about it. As I have so many astro air signs and quite a few water signs (a few fire signs and no earth signs), I battle between being very logical, not revealing my feelings, and letting out my hurt and being emotional. Being emotional frightens the life out of me, particularly as my family history involves battening down on emotions and not letting them out.
This incident has surfaced because it’s a reminder to me that, in being emotionally open, I can help other people heal emotionally. So I worked out that the shadowy figure I was trying to escape was my fear of being open emotionally and that, in not being able to escape, my inner wisdom is telling me to open up and stop trying to squeeze myself into the small space of emotional lockdown. With this in mind, I then went on to go deeper into the dream with my trusty Shining Tribe Tarot deck by Rachel Pollack.
I divided the dream up as follows:
1. What lies at the heart of the dream? 9 of stones. Need for discipline, self-reliance and achievement. Success, especially as a result of a long period of work. This relates to the book project which I’m currently working on.
2. Myself: 8 of birds: Anger, expressing feelings, need to remember and create one’s own truth; discovering one’s wisdom. Finding one’s own way of expression. Release of blocks to creativity.
3. Male Driver: 7 of Rivers: Fantasies, inspiration, wondrous journeys. Action to make fantasies reality.
4. Female Driver: Gift of Trees: Passion, joy, energy; intuitive wisdom; physical and emotional healing. Confidence, belief in oneself.
5. Car: 3 of Trees: Pleasure, abundance, laughter, creativity.
6. Outcome: Speaker of Birds: Communicating from our deepest truths. Sharing ideas and information with a sense of inner authority. Using artistic or other gifts responsibly.
So what I’ve divined from this dream is that I need to be disciplined in approaching my book-writing project and that it’ll work out if I’m persistent and pay attention to what I”m doing. I’m also being reminded by my inner wisdom to be open emotionally in order that my book has passion and delves into my depths to be as open and honest emotionally as possible. The fact that the first driver of the car is a man indicates that I have all sorts of ideas which I need to get out in practical form, while the female driver is a reminder that working through and completing my book-writing project will bring me a lot of good things in terms of healing and belief in myself. The car, which is about movement and direction, shows me that – if I open up emotionally and don’t get stuck in an emotional prison – I’ll feel so much more creative and flowing. The name of the car is important too – Volkswagen = People’s Car, so it’s about writing to help people in ways which are supportive and inspirational. The outcome indicates that being absolutely open and honest will allow me to offer much deeper insights and assistance to readers rather than trying to keep a lid on my emotions.
I might say that even writing about the above incident and how upset I was has been incredibly hard for me as I find it difficult to share emotional pain. So this is my first step forward, however small it is, and I hope to keep plumbing my emotional depths to give strength and power to my writing.
And just to wind up, I’ve always been very critical of and angry at myself for swallowing hurtful comments and not replying in kind. But I know from first-hand experience that the old saying: “Sticks and stones my break my bones but words can never hurt me” is a heap of old cobblers. Words hurt and, as I have my Sun in Libra and Ascendant in Libra, my innermost urges are towards tact, diplomacy and keeping the peace. However, yesterday I commented on my dream on one of Mystic Medusa’s blogs and someone pointed out that, instead of seeing myself as wimpy,, I had in fact responded to hurtful comments with grace and understanding and refused to respond in kind. Now I find this interesting because it’s a perspective I simply didn’t have, and looking at past actions from a completely different viewpoint is incredibly healing. It’s helped me move on from this long-ago incident and be far more positive about the way I’ve responded. And now I’ve realised the power of writing, I know that I can work out emotional hurt through the power of my writing abilities.
And what can I say, as I’m only human. I do like the feeling, however unworthy it is, of occupying the high, moral ground in this unpleasant incident from my past. At least I’m being honest, open and above-board on this, lolol.